This election cycle is making us all need a drink, right? Austin, Texas bartender Justin Elliott has created a hilarious menu for The Townsend with drinks for every candidate.
TRUMP – $12
A Manhattan made with Canadian whisky because if he wins we’re moving to Vancouver
BERNIE – $4
A can of Lone Star & a shot of fernet, but the bartender gets to drink the shot
HILLARY – $8
A rye whiskey old fashioned that’s really actually pretty great but maybe you should have ordered something more exciting
JEB! – $157,600,000.00
A $157 million vodka soda that never actually shows up
JOHN KASICH – $9
A perfectly reasonable cocktail that you’re still not gonna order so why bother describing it?
MARCO RUBIO – $9
A classic Cuban-style daiquiri
TED CRUZ – $8
The same as Marco Rubio’s daiquiri, but somehow less likable
BEN CARSON – Set a $20 bill on fire
Some warm milk and an Ambien
The menu is tied to a show happening at The Paramount Theater — Moontower Comedy and Paramount Social presents Trump vs. Bernie – Clash of the Titans feat. Anthony Atamanuik & James Adomian on Monday, 2/29 — but will also be available at the bar past 2/29 in honor of primary elections.
The Townsend, an upscale cocktail bar and restaurant located steps from the Texas Capitol building at 718 Congress Avenue in Austin, Texas. The Townsend was recently named Eater’s #2 hottest cocktail bar from coast to coast, and has seen local and regional praise in Austin Monthly, Texas Monthly, Austin American-Statesman, and CultureMap Austin, among others. The Townsend’s Justin Elliott was recently named one of America’s Best Bartenders by Thrillist and the kitchen is led by Chef Justin Huffman. Housed in the 3,400 square foot landmark Townsend-Thompson Building, The Townsend offers a delicious menu of small plates and craft cocktails. The Townsend is operated by Austin-based hospitality group Penumbral Strategic Ventures, LLC and is open seven days a week from 4 p.m. to 2a.m. For more information on The Townsend, visit: Facebook.com/TheTownsendAustin and thetownsendaustin.com.