Bathroom Battle

Whether it’s pristine and private at a high-end lounge, or filthy and functional (at best) in a local dive bar, the bathroom is one of the most important parts of your establishment. The Bar Business staff goes head-to-head on what makes the best bathroom for your customers; and like any battle of the sexes, she’ll tell you what’s practical, he’ll tell you what’s cool.

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Not only does the World Toilet Organization actually exist, it also reports that the average person spends three years of their life in the bathroom. And in some nightclubs, it often feels like you can wait three years just to get into a bathroom. Either way, this most-important facility becomes even more so when found inside a venue that revolves around consumption of liquids, so bar and club owners have to focus some of their attention on the bathroom situation in their establishment.

It is, naturally, a segregated world between the two sexes. (For the most part. There are clubs, like Ono in New York City, that have unisex bathrooms as a sort of advanced socialization feature.) To examine the needs and features bar owners should address on each side of the bathroom line, we offer our first-ever split-staff editorial, with Assistant Editor Alexis Jarossy philosophizing on powder room politics for women, and Editor-in-Chief Chris Ytuarte exploring the excellence of his ideal facility for men. Now, on with the he said/she said.

The Ladies’ Room
I’ll say this: when it comes to the women’s bathroom in a bar it’s not about pretty, it’s about efficiency. The average female spends a significant amount of time getting herself ready to hang out in your bar, only to spend an equal amount of time waiting to go to the bathroom there. When we’re out, having a great time, we dread having to make a trip to the ladies’ room; the line is always a mile long, the bathrooms are always cramped, and, let’s be honest, there’s always some gal out there who couldn’t handle her cocktails and ends up making the bathroom (and the rest of us) pay for it.

There are a few simple things that bar owners should keep in mind when building or designing the women’s bathroom. I know that by virtue of venue size and budget limitations, not all bar owners will be able to make the adjustments. But please take these suggestions into account, maybe make a few small (but crucial) changes, and give your female customers a break. Otherwise, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The most dreaded moment when heading to the ladies’ bathroom in a bar is when one sees the line. Best case, there will be one or two women. But the best case is rarely the case. On a busy night the line may be ten or fifteen deep, and will only get worse as the night goes on. Meanwhile, the men’s room is a spectacle of timeliness; guys are in and out and back at the bar then back to the bathroom before we’ve even reached the door to the ladies’ room. Why is this?

Without getting into all the details, let’s put it this way: we don’t have the benefit of using urinals; we must use stalls. Often, minutes go by before we can even sit down: time is spent trying to find a place for your purse, a place for your drink, making sure there is toilet paper available, etc. So, a few handy additions to the stalls to make initial entry less time-consuming: a coat/purse hanger on the back of the door; a small shelf that folds down from the side of the stall for drinks and/or purses; and toilet paper dispensers that hold multiple rolls.

Another greatly appreciated element of any public bathroom for women is, of course, a toilet that can be flushed by foot. In more than one instance I have known certain women to simply not flush because they refuse to touch the handle on the toilet. Better yet, if you’ve got the budget, toilets that flush automatically are ideal; that way there’s no excuse.

While we’re on the topic of toilets, obviously the fastest way to get the line moving is to have as many stalls as possible. Most women’s rooms have one, maybe two. As mentioned earlier, men may only have one or two stalls but the urinals handle the bulk of their needs. bar_bathroom_women.jpgWomen do not have the luxury of choice in this matter. Any bar expecting a decent amount of female patronage should be equipped with two stalls at the least; three is ideal, and anything over three means the bar is probably owned by a woman (and bless her heart).

Once women are out of the stall, it’s time to head to the sink to wash up and check themselves out in the mirror. This can be a time-consuming part of a bathroom visit, much to the dismay of those still waiting in line to get in. To speed up the process, bathrooms should be equipped with easy-to-use dispensers and good lighting. The faucets, if not equipped with handles that turn on and off, should allow us to wash our hands completely before automatically shutting off and leaving us with that generic pink soap all over our hands. Paper towel dispensers should also always be full; we hate having to wipe our hands on our jeans. If you’ve got the budget, and you really want to streamline the women’s bathroom process in terms of hardware, have automatic faucets and dispensers. It may be a bit of an investment to install quasi-robotic fixtures, but these sensor-triggered elements will keep things rolling, and will ultimately save you money from lack of waste (water, soap and paper).bar_bathroom_excelerator.jpg

When it comes to lighting, nothing fluorescent is a good idea. Lighting shouldn’t be so dim that we can’t see what we’re doing, but keep it low enough that we’ll see ourselves in a similar way everyone else sees us in a dim-lit bar.

There’s a rare breed of woman who will, in emergency situations when the line is just unbearable, attempt to use the men’s facilities. Now, I’ll admit to have committed this wrongdoing (I swear, I had to go that bad!), but as a seasoned veteran of the nightlife scene I have to say, it’s not cute, it’s obnoxious. It’s an act committed out of spite for men who have it so easy when it comes to bathroom visits; out of some sense of bladder entitlement (everyone thinks they have to go worse than those in line); and in some cases, from a rationality that says, “Why not? There’s a perfectly good, empty stall in there.” But, the men don’t appreciate it, the ladies in line get more annoyed, and there can be legal ramifications for the bar owner. So, to avoid any gray areas on the matter, post some signs warning female customers that it is simply not cool to use the men’s room.

The Men’s Room
Let’s start with another tidbit from our friends at the WTO: World Toilet Day is celebrated on November 19. Mark it on your calendar (I know I did), perhaps as a reminder to revamp your venue’s facilities, or to rethink your bathroom concept on whole. And if that process includes your men’s room, please, let me be of some assistance.

Obviously, men will require much less in the way of aesthetic and comfort than our female counterparts. We are a functional species, and expect as much (or as little) of our bathrooms. Rarely do we have to wait in lines, so expedience isn’t an issue; we don’t think much about tactile issues of germ transference and sterile surfaces, so extraordinary cleanliness and lack of contact with equipment isn’t an issue; and we don’t spend much time primping in the mirror, so reflectivity and lighting aren’t an issue.So what do we want? We want cool.

Let’s start with two little letters: TV. We want televisions over sinks, televisions on stall doors, and televisions over the urinals. I believe ESPN Zone pioneered this concept years ago, but it has yet to take hold the way it truly should (and with content beyond Sports Center). A smart bar owner could even use these screens to self-promote—run info on specials, events, on-premise promotions, etc. The zombie brain of a bathroom-bound male can be easily manipulated. Take advantage.

bar_bathroom_footlift.jpgGive us ledges, shelves—any type of flat surface where we can put our beer while using the facilities. (How many beer bottles have shattered after being placed on a sloped, slippery, porcelain surface?) We need them over urinals, by the sinks, and on the walls of the stalls. And while we’re in those stalls, we’d rather not use our hands to lift the toilet seat. (Not because of germs or anything, we’d just rather not exert the energy to bend over and do so.) To combat the problem, HomeHelper Line introduced the Toilet Seat Lifter. It’s a foot-activated device that automatically lifts and releases the toilet seat, and can be easily mounted to any toilet.

How about stall doors that stretch above eye-level and reach all the way down to the floor? (Of course full credit for this idea would be given to George Costanza.) This would provide maximum privacy while reducing the chance of someone identifying you by your shoes and pointing you out once you exit the bathroom (“That’s the guy right there! He did it!”). In this case, we’d also need lights outside each stall door that would indicate the occupancy status, a la modern-day airplane bathrooms.

How about some distractions, to help us pass…the time? There are purely humorous options, like a talking toilet paper dispenser, which spouts out a recorded message when the paper is pulled. And then there is the Whizometer, a small device that attaches to the back of a urinal and determines the velocity with which your male patrons are expelling the beverages they just finished.

And even toilet paper itself can help kill time, such as the kind with Sudoku puzzles on each sheet. Within weeks, your male patrons will be lined up outside the bathroom with a pen in one hand, anticipating the new words of advice their toilet paper dispenser message will…dispense. bar_bathroom_fishbowl_toilet.jpg

And sometimes, we guys just want stuff that serves no purpose whatsoever, but man does it look cool. For a prime example, acrylic toilet tanks that are fully functional, impact resistant and stronger than porcelain toilet tanks, and yet contain living, (breathing?) fish. The Fish ‘n Flush tanks are completely separate from the toilet tank and are designed to fit directly against the companion tank reservoir.

And finally, if it were my ideal facility, there would be nothing even remotely resembling a bathroom attendant anywhere in site. This may be a personal preference, as some gentlemen out there might find them useful, but trust me—as friendly as some may be, attendants are nothing but an annoyance. They provide little beyond a forced sense of obligation to tip someone who just handed me a paper towel I could’ve gotten myself and then sprayed me with some Brüt cologne that leaves me smelling like that 58-year-old uncle who always had one too many shirt buttons undone. And on top of that, attendants are instant stage-fright catalysts, leaving (some) guys weary of the notion that, no matter what, for the rest of the night at that bar, there is a zero chance of having the bathroom to ourselves. Attendants are a built-in audience in the one place we really don’t want one.

As a bar owner, you’ll always have men and women using your bathrooms. As different as the two sexes may be, they do have one thing in common—bladders. So keep people happy and entertained while they empty them.

Click here to read the full article and find out where to get all of these cool,
helpful products in
“Bathroom Battles: Boys vs. Girls”
in the March/April 2010 digital edition of Bar Business Magazine